Make better movies, please… A CAT’S TALE

It is a given that “straight-to-dvd” connotes quality lesser than a theatrical release; and, it is accepted, sadly, that family fare needn’t aim high artistically either. However, I believe the children are our future and if we are to let them lead the way, we ought teach them well. We must insist that kids’ flicks are brighter than Jim Varney‘s posthumous Oscar® prospects.

A CAT’S TALE — also confoundingly packaged (and punctuated) as CAT’S THE MOVIE! — is an insidious, insipid assault on today’s youth. Literally a home video, and far from America’s Funniest, “director” Susan Emerson‘s shaky cam trails a common household feline who wanders away from his home and encounters other neighborhood critters (cats, dogs, squirrels, frogs) whose help will be crucial if he’s ever to find his way back. (Not that anyone could care.) Minus lights, tripods and mindful plotting, CAT’S cannot be excused as a Dogme exercise. This is a shoestring production disguised with a wanton hucksterism by “money-man” Paul Williams (not the diminutive albino songster) as a real film by the shameful voice-over participation of Troy Garity, Jeremy Piven, Jeremy Sisto, Dominique Swain, Michelle Rodriguez. (I presume the latter lent her talents as part of her DUI settlement.*) 

By any name, A CAT’S TALE belongs in the litterbox. Don’t let your kids watch it clump on-screen.

Discouraged and disgruntled,

Warren

* For the record, Rodriguez pled guilty, but chose five days of jail time rather than commit to 240 hours of community service. May I suggest she now serve more time for this offense. As for her fellow cast members, let them choose between a week in the clink or 240 viewings of CAT’S THE MOVIE! As for the creative team, let Williams and Emerson be severely schooled and chastised by Lynne Truss and then let them eat shoots and leave show biz.